


It's Nice To Be Alive

by myrmidryad



Series: RNM Week [1]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alex and Rosa are both kind of fucked up but at least they're being fucked up together!, Gallows Humor, Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-11 15:21:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19930231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myrmidryad/pseuds/myrmidryad
Summary: Rosa is staying at Alex's cabin, trying to adjust to what she still thinks of as the future.





	It's Nice To Be Alive

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: when we were young.
> 
> Title from [It's Nice To Be Alive](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSgz7Ept79o) by Ball Park Music, which is a very cute friendshippy song that I love.

“You suck, Manes.” Rosa rolled her eyes and held out her hand for the guitar, imperious. “Give it here.”

Alex, familiar and strange, raised an eyebrow at her, and discomfort prickled at the back of her neck. Alex had always been so biddable before. Sure, he put on a front for people, he scowled and put on his eyeliner and jewellery like armour (and boy did she know how that went), but show him even an inch of genuine friendliness and he went soft as ice cream in the sun.

This older Alex was so much harder. He had no need for the trappings of teenage armour anymore – he was hard for real. He’d been to war, and it showed. It freaked her out, the same way accepting that Jim Valenti the _Sheriff_ was her father had freaked her out.

(Rosa was not, not, not thinking about Jim being dead. She was not thinking about his murderer lying conveniently comatose in the hospital, practically begging to be smothered with a pillow. She was not thinking about how deeply, horribly satisfying that vengeance would taste.)

But Rosa knew exactly how to deal with her own fears, so she raised an eyebrow back and opened and closed her hand, expectant. There was a second where she was stuck in uncertainty, but then Alex’s lips twitched and he swung the guitar out of his lap, fingers tight around the neck to hold the strings quiet as he handed it over to her.

She took it without showing her relief and settled it over her own thighs. “How long’s it been since you played, anyway?” she muttered, fingers finding the chords easily and strumming the opening to what had been one of Alex’s favourite songs. It was good to see the way the corners of his eyes creased at the sound.

“Is that _Sugar We’re Going Down?_ ”

“Well _I_ didn’t forget how to play while I was dead,” she said, and he laughed. He was one of the only ones who didn’t hate it when she said shit like that, which was another reason why she didn’t mind staying with him while everyone else figured out what to do with her. It had only been a week since Max had resurrected her, and Rosa was still trying to find her feet in what she still thought of as the future, not the present. 

You would’ve thought that being in a pod for ten years would have acted as at least some kind of detox, but nope, life could never be that easy. She knew one of the reasons she was staying out here with Alex was because it was nowhere near any sort of civilisation where she could score. Though frankly, as she’d pointed out to Liz at the time, if she tried to approach any of her old friends she’d probably give them all heart attacks. They’d see a ghost and drop dead from the shock. She hadn’t mentioned how tempting the idea was, for a few of them. See how Frederico and Sara liked that.

Alex hummed along, smiling, and shook his head. “It’s been a while. A few years, at least.”

“Didn’t wanna join an Air Force band?” she teased. “Introduce those assholes to some real music?”

He snorted and shook his head, smile fading into something a little sadder. “Nah. Not for a long time, anyway.”

“You were hiding, right? No gays in the military?” It was one of the reasons he’d always been so adamant he wouldn’t enlist.

“Yeah. Till they repealed Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, and for a few years after that too.”

“Why?”

“Well it’s not like people are gonna stop being homophobic overnight.” He rolled his eyes and looked up as the timer in the kitchen started beeping. “Finally.”

“Yeah, if it isn’t undercooked again.”

“Shut up.” He shoved her shoulder as he passed, and it was so, so weird to be touched so casually by someone who was both older and younger than her. She was the one who’d taught Alex he could relax like that around her, making sure to push him gently and ruffle his hair, encouraging him to do it back to her because not all physical contact had to be scary. But little Alex Manes was all grown up now, and it was weird to receive a friendly push from an adult who looked like her friend.

Rosa kept playing as he got the casserole out of the oven, one leg curled under her, the other settled on the rug under her chair. She’d jumped at the chance to stay with Alex for the familiarity of the cabin as well. Jim had brought her here a few times, and though Alex had gotten rid of a bunch of the decorations and added a few of his own touches, there was no way of changing the layout of the place, and the furniture was still the same.

Jim had let her pick the colour scheme for the bunker he promised he would let her stay in if she needed it. She’d picked red and teased him half in exasperation, half in fondness when his choices were more on the pink side. “I’m not some little princess,” she’d laughed, and he’d shaken his head, touched her shoulder.

“You’ll always be a princess to me, kid.”

The cabin was where she’d broken down in furious tears and declared that she’d never be able to get clean in Roswell, not when her best friend lived above a bar and all her friends were just waiting for her to relapse, and most of them were offering her shit whenever they saw her, and all the adults she knew only saw her flaws. The cabin was where Jim had hugged her and agreed, weary and understanding in a way no one else had ever been, and told her that they would get out together, just for a bit, just for a couple of weeks. He needed to go to Los Alamos for some cop business or other, some conference, and he said they could go together. He’d bought her the bus ticket.

The sound of tyres crunching over the dirt track, the rumble of an engine, disturbed her thoughts. Rosa stopped playing, and Alex, ever alert, checked the window. “It’s them,” he said, turning around to nod at her. “You wanna get the door?”

“Nah, I wanna see if they’ll just walk in, or if Kyle’s gonna make it awkward again.” She leaned back and grinned, and Alex snorted.

“Maybe you should tone down the sister crap if you want him to relax.”

“Are you kidding? I’ll stop making jokes when I die.”

“Hasn’t stopped you before.” Alex’s grin was dark, and she laughed. They’d always had similar senses of humour. It was one of the reasons she’d started actually thinking of him as a friend of hers rather than just a friend of Liz’s.

Car doors slammed outside, footsteps rang on the porch, and Rosa remembered all of them hanging out in the Crashdown after her eighteenth birthday, when she’d first started really trying to get clean. She’d gone on a huge bender that night, ended up in the hospital with her stomach pumped and her dad torn between tears and fury. Liz had just been all tears. And Sheriff Valenti had come to visit her after they were gone to tell her quietly that they hadn’t found her in possession of anything, which she knew was a lie, and she’d called him on it immediately, embarrassed and suspicious. It had taken months for her to believe he really cared about her. But it had been the first turning point, of several. She’d ended up hanging out with Liz and Maria more, and Alex by extension.

Granted, Kyle hadn’t usually been included – he’d come by the Crashdown to pick Liz up sometimes, and could occasionally be coerced into staying for a while, and he was okay once he forgot to be such a jackass. Okay on his own, basically, but his asshole level increased the closer to his friends he was, and if there was a chance he would be seen with Alex? Only Liz’s presence could keep him civil, but Rosa saw right through it. 

He was so different now that Rosa was half convinced he was Kyle Valenti’s secret twin. He was the one who’d asked her about her addiction. He knew his dad had been an alcoholic. He was the one who’d told Alex to clear all the alcohol out of the cabin, and keep his pills locked up. And he’d done it in such a matter-of-fact way that Rosa, for the first time, saw Jim in him. Jim had never judged her, not once, and neither had Kyle since she’d woken up.

There was a knock on the door, and Rosa snorted. “Called it.” It was followed by an exclamation of disgust she recognised as Maria’s, and she got to her feet in time for Maria to push the door open and come in, her arms opening the second she saw Rosa, Liz and Kyle right behind her.

“Hey babe!”

It was the second group dinner they’d had, and the first with semi-successful cooking from Alex. Rosa could see the others all trying to be polite, and she sighed, her plate hot on her knees. “Look, dude, we’ve been over this. You have to let me cook.”

“What’s wrong with it?” Alex asked, frowning, and okay, that was a pretty effective deterrent against being mean. Alex didn’t have puppy dog eyes, per se, but there was something about the way he took criticism so seriously that was almost worse. 

Didn’t mean she believed in sugar-coating though. “Seasoning, Manes.” She pointed her fork at him. “Is there any chilli in here at all? Any paprika?”

“I can taste some?” Kyle offered, because apparently he was as soft as a kitten these days.

“No you can’t,” she said witheringly. “Stop trying to defend him. He’s three-quarters of a big boy, he can take a little constructive criticism.”

Alex snorted, Maria stifled a smile, and Liz got that look on her face that Rosa had privately dubbed her ‘new Rosa face’. The old Rosa face had been a mixture of mortification and laughter, Liz always torn between laughing at Rosa’s tactlessness and embarrassed for the recipient, whoever they were. The new Rosa face added in a dash of tearfulness, because every time Liz remembered all over again that Rosa was alive, she got all emotional about it.

Which made sense, it had been ten years for her, and there was a horrible, morbid part of Rosa that she would never, ever tell anyone about that was pleased that she had been so sorely missed. She’d imagined dying so many times she’d lost count, and she’d always imagined that people would move on pretty easily. It wasn’t like there was much about her to miss, after all. She was a bitch, everyone knew. And to be fair, that had been the case for most of the town, though it hadn’t helped that she’d been framed for the deaths of two popular girls.

She was so angry with the aliens that she refused to speak to them. She was a human-only zone, at least until she could think about Isobel Evans without wanting to cry.

Liz hated having to go home without her, especially because they hadn’t told her father anything yet. Their father. Her father. Rosa hadn’t known how to think of Arturo Ortecho for a long time, and she still didn’t. Alex had to go into the base tomorrow, but Maria would be over for most of the morning and afternoon, and then Kyle would take over.

She’d protested vehemently that she didn’t need babysitters, especially from her kid sister’s friends, but Maria had talked her down in the way only Maria ever could. 

She slept in Alex’s guest room, and woke up from a nightmare around three in the morning where she’d been hanging out with Isobel on top of the Crashdown, her head in Isobel’s lap and Isobel’s hand in her hair, and the world underneath the sign had started to vanish into darkness. Her whole body had seized up, and Isobel’s hand had slipped across her mouth. 

“It’s for you,” she whispered. “For you.” And pushed.

The falling sensation wasn’t as bad as the terror of Isobel’s betrayal, and Rosa fumbled for the bedside lamp as soon as she could, sitting up and breathing shakily through the remnants of the fear.

There was a light under the crack of her door, she noticed eventually, and she got up with relief. Alex was on the couch, crutches laid down on the floor next to him and headphones in his ears. The volume must have been low though, or he sensed her somehow, because as soon as she turned the corner he sat up and looked around, giving her a wry look that she mirrored.

“So,” he said, pulling his headphones out. “I got the Humvee again. You?”

“Murder on top of the Crashdown. Y’know, standard. You want a drink or something?”

“Sure, if you’re making it.”

She made them both hot chocolate, something her dad had always done for her when she woke him and her mom up at night. She curled up in the chair she now thought of as hers, and pulled one of the throws over her lap. “If you’re still having nightmares over a year after getting your foot blown off, I’m fucked.”

“Nah.” Alex sighed and cradled his mug. “I don’t get them every night. It was actually down to just a couple a month before everything happened last week.”

“Resurrected friend or exploding alien prison?”

“Alien prison.” Alex pinches the bridge of his nose. “Stress impacts your unconscious mind, I guess.”

“No fucking shit. You learn that in therapy?”

Alex laughed. “Yeah.”

“I hope you didn’t pay for that session,” Rosa sniffed. “I could’ve told you that for free.”

“You just did, didn’t you?”

“You think that was free? Whose hot chocolate do you think we’re drinking right now?”

“Point.”

They lapsed into silence, and Rosa found herself studying Alex’s profile, the way she was studying everyone’s faces when she saw them now. She’d combed through everyone’s Facebooks and heard updates from them in person, but it was still weird as hell to see the physical differences on them. 

Alex caught her looking and raised an eyebrow. “I got something on my face?”

“Yeah, a dumb expression.” She pursed her lips and tilted her head though, and he turned to face her a little better, letting her look. “You gonna grow your hair again after you’re out?”

“Maybe.” Alex ran a hand over his head, his hair a mess. Flat on one side, sticking out at odd angles on the other. “Haven’t decided yet. I don’t wanna look like a kid again. No offence.”

“It’s not an again for me.” 

“Yeah.” Alex sipped his hot chocolate, and she leaned forward.

“What about the piercings? I always said you’d look rad with an eyebrow piercing, you’ve got great eyebrows.”

Alex smiled, slow like he couldn’t help it. “Probably not.”

“Boring.”

“Yeah.” Alex’s smile faded. “I guess I am.”

“Oh my God, Manes, don’t take it so personally.” She kicked his good leg gently. 

“You remember teaching me and Liz to play _Landslide?_ ” He asked, looking over at her and not pulling out of her reach.

“You mean teaching you,” she said dryly. “Liz never wanted to learn.”

“She did, she just didn’t get it as fast, and she didn’t have the patience.”

“Maybe. She got the brains though, so.” Rosa shrugged. “Yeah, I remember. Why?”

“I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about what we used to be like. What you used to be like.”

“A bitch?”

He laughed, and gave her an incredulous look like she was being an idiot. “No.”

“You can say it, you know.” She shrugged. “I know what I am.”

He shook his head. “Look, even when you’re saying the meanest shit, I never think that.”

“You’re an idiot then.”

He shook his head again and stretched his leg out to kick her. “Shut up. I’m smart now, you know.”

“Yeah, alright, Mr. Top Secret Codebreaker.” She rolled her eyes. “Tell someone who cares.”

“Aww, you don’t care about me?”

“Nah, you’re just my kid sister’s lame friend.” She flicked her hair over her shoulder and they both grinned at each other. “Your new look isn’t terrible,” she allowed, and had to bite back a laugh when Alex blinked in surprise, and then shy pleasure.

“Glad it meets your approval,” he said, covering it with dryness, and she shrugged.

“You definitely look more adult than before, so I guess that’s something. Is it scoring you dudes, at least?”

Alex made a face and looked down at his mug. “Not so much. Maybe I should try eyeliner again.”

“Let’s go,” she decided. “Right now, come on, I’ve got all the makeup Liz brought me. And you’re meant to be getting up in two hours anyway, right?”

Alex looked like he wanted to hesitate, maybe thinking of those two hours of potential sleep he could be missing. But she raised an eyebrow at him, daring, and he cracked. “Go get it then,” he smiled, some of that shyness coming through again.

“Fuck yeah.” She went and got everything she needed from the bathroom and sat on the table in front of Alex. “Damn, you remember when we first did this?”

“Yeah.” He grinned, eyes closing automatically as she lifted the pencil to them. “You were the first person to suggest it.”

“Duh. My taste is impeccable. You were shitting yourself.”

“Yeah.” She’d been expecting a retort, but Alex couldn’t see her surprise. “I wiped it all off before going home, remember?”

“Took you ages to start wearing it out,” she remembered. 

“I thought of you, the first time I did,” he admitted, and opened his eyes when she nudged him, looking up at the ceiling so she could get to his waterline. “You were never scared of anything.”

“I was.”

“Well, you never let it show, and that was the important thing. That’s what you told me, remember? If they stare, fuck them.”

She didn’t remember, but it sounded like her, so she nodded. “And it’s easy once you start.” The first few minutes were the worst, going out wearing something new, something different. It had been like that the first time she’d gone really heavy on her eye makeup. But people either didn’t notice at all or accepted it as the expected behaviour of a delinquent. Their opinions didn’t matter anyway – on that, she, Maria, and Alex had always been united. 

She started on his other eye, and he smiled slightly. “Always wondered what your advice would be in situations like…ah, where I had to not care what people thought. It’s weird being able to actually ask now.”

“You haven’t outgrown me?” she asked lightly, and Alex snorted. She smacked his arm. “Hey, stay still!”

“Sorry. Yeah, no, we’ll never outgrow you. We never left you behind, y’know? You were just…on pause for a bit.” He opened his eyes and looked up again, still and pliant under her hands exactly as he’d been the first time she’d given him eyeliner. He was much calmer now though. He’d been jittery as fuck that first time, but he’d grinned so wide when he’d seen himself in the mirror, and he’d blushed when she, Liz, and Maria had all crowed at him, telling him how much it suited him.

The people who’d cared about her had never forgotten her. It helped, in this fucked-up situation she’d woken up in. 

“We missed you,” he murmured, and grinned when she grabbed the mirror and held it up to show him. “Wow.”

“Takes years off you,” she said, trying to be light and failing. “All you need is your old septum ring. I never figured you’d care much,” she added, early-morning honesty catching her at last. “Liz and Maria, I get, but…”

Alex shrugged, smiling crookedly. “You were badass. You made me feel more badass by extension. And Rosa, you were nice to me. You know how many people back then were nice to me? I can count them on one hand. We missed you this whole time, and whatever alien bullshit is going on now, we’re gonna figure out a way to get you out of this cabin and back into a real life. You’re not alone.”

“Oh my God, Manes.” Rosa leaned back and laughed to try and cover how wobbly her voice was threatening to get. “Reign it in, you sound like you’re about to propose.”

“What, you don’t wanna be my beard?” he shot back, quick as ever. “I’m insulted.”

“Uh, I’d be a great beard, you kidding? I’d do your eyeliner every day.” She grinned and pretended to wipe a smudge from under his eye.

“Can’t say no to that.” He smiled and yawned, passing it to her. “You should go back to bed,” he said once they were done. “Maria’s not getting here till eight, you should get some more sleep if you can.”

“Alright, _mom_.” She passed him the makeup wipes and grinned as she stood up. “Make sure you don’t forget to take that off before you go in. Give those old fucks a real shock.”

He grinned and accepted them, but made no move to wipe the eyeliner off just yet. She drained the rest of her hot chocolate in a couple of gulps and went back to her bedroom, curling up on her side and focusing on the line of light under the door. It was funny, in a way. She’d always felt safe with Alex both because he was younger and because he was gay, so he wasn’t threatening the way so many other guys were. Now she felt safe with him because she’d seen him take a gun to pieces and put it back together again in literal seconds, but right now she was just glad there was someone else in the cabin with her who knew her. It was sappy, sure, but it really was nice to know she wasn’t alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Very last minute, because I just got excited reading everyone else's stuff for this week! So if you see typos, please let me know. And find me on tumblr, also as [myrmidryad](https://myrmidryad.tumblr.com/).


End file.
